Sectumsempra
by The Great Wizard Qui Quae Quod
Summary: "Your father did something Snape could never forgive. He saved his life." Warning: depression and attempted suicide.
1. Chapter 1

**General Disclaimer of Everything: **I own nothing.

**Warning:** Attempted Suicide

* * *

"Sectumsempra."

Severus Snape considered the results of his latest spell, and nodded in satisfaction. Developing this one had been the work of mere hours. When he flicked his wrist this way, it caused the most pain, the deepest cuts. When he pronounced it that way, it was nearly impossible to heal with magic. In fact, some healing charms might just aggravate it further.

Severus sat down on the cold tile and leaned back against the stall door. He had already hexed Myrtle so that she couldn't tattle on him and ruin it. Not that she could object to death. That would be hypocritical of her. But she might run for a professor just to spite him. Myrtle had never liked Severus but that was nothing new.

Despite the ghost's presence, Moaning Myrtle's bathroom was the ideal place for this. No one was likely to ever come in here. Even less so now because it was the start of Christmas break. It would be ages before they discovered what he had done, and even longer before they found the body.

Merlin, he felt so tired, tired of everything. And cold too now, but blood loss was supposed to do that. Little shivers ran up and down his spine, his body fighting him. Trying to keep him alive when he so obviously wanted otherwise.

He watched the flame of the candle with half lidded eyes. It danced and guttered in the draft. He could almost imagine that it was Lily. Sweet Lily with her bright hair and her bright smile. She had been his only spot of color in a slowly darkening world. It had been his own fault for driving her off, but it was better this way. She wouldn't mourn him if she hated him too. And how could she not hate him after what he had called her?

"I'm sorry, Lily," he muttered to the candle, "I didn't really mean it you know."

But Potter had summed it up perfectly hadn't he? With seven little words, he had summed up Severus's entire life.

"It's more the fact that he exists."

That was when Severus fell over the edge. He realized what he'd have to do. Because Potter and his friends were right. He was a stupid, greasy git. Nobody cared about him. He might as well die.

His vision was starting to grey. It must be close to the end now.

"says this is the best place to make a potion because no one ever comes in here." Potter's arrogant voice cut into his thoughts. Could his persecutor not leave him alone to die in peace? He wondered languidly. No. For as long as he existed, Potter would torment him, even if it was just the hallucination of an oxygen deprived brain. Simply because he existed. Well, he wouldn't have to worry about that for much longer, would he? A breathless giggle escaped his lips.

"What was…?"

"Shit!"

"...so much blood..."

"...get...Pomfrey…."

"The stall's locked!"

There was a sharp bang as the door was literally blown off it's hinges. The sound echoed around in his head. Severus fell to the floor, his support gone. His eyes fluttered closed.

"Snivellus?"

"Come on… can't...Snape."

"...hear me, Snape?"


	2. Chapter 2

Back by popular demand.

* * *

"Why do I have to sit with the greasy git?" Sirius Black asked heatedly, "Why can't they find someone that actually likes him to do it?"

"Think about it, Padfoot," Remus interjected, "It's Christmas. There's no one else here."

"What about his parents then?" Black snarled at them, but his friends knew it was frustration speaking.

"What about them?" James shrugged.

"If Snape's so determined to end his life, why can't his parents try to talk him out of it?"

"Maybe he doesn't get along with them." James said, knowing it would strike a nerve. This year, Sirius had gotten a note from Lord and Lady Black telling him that they didn't want him home for the Holidays. James and Remus had stayed to keep their friend company.

"I've never seen him with them." Remus added, "He always catches a muggle bus from Kings Cross."

"SO WHAT?"

So nobody is coming." James, "Normally I'd agree with you, but we found him so its our duty to make sure that he keeps breathing." James was big on things like duty.

"Snivellus would never want us checking up on him. He hates us..."

"The feeling's mutual!"

"So we've got to be sneaky." Remus overrode his friend, "I'd do it, but you know I can't. James is out of the question. They'd never let a Stag stay in the hospital wing. Really Peter would be the best. No one would question a pet rat, but he's with his family in France. So it's got to be you. We can't just let the git try to kill himself again."

"Why not?" Sirius growled, "Why would we care if he actually died?"

Remus paled, "You don't mean that."

"Why shouldn't I mean it? Who would miss him if he were gone?"

"Lily would be devastated." And that ended the conversation.

* * *

There was a deep ache in his chest when he awoke. The light stabbed at his eyes, and everything was too loud. He closed his eyes with a groan..

"Not dead then," he muttered.

Once the world stopped spinning, he opened them again. The migraine hadn't gone away.

"Madame Pomfrey? He's awake." the voice made his head pound.

"Oh, dear. Headache?" he heard faintly. There was a muttered spell and a cool tingling spread up the back of his neck. This time, he could see when he opened his eyes. He was in the hospital wing. James Potter was sitting in the chair next to his bed, a large Black dog curled by his feet.

Madame Pomfrey checked his vitals, made sure all of his reflexes were still working properly, and then wrapped his fingers around a cup.

"Here, Severus, this is…"

"A pain reliever." Snape said, recognizing the potion by the smell.

"Drink all of it." Madame Pomfrey said sternly, and she watched to make sure that he did. The ache in his chest faded slightly.

"Do you know who attacked you? Do you know what spell they used? I need to know." She frowned. "It's not healing properly."

Snape raised an eyebrow at Potter. Hadn't he told her?

"There isn't a counterspell." He said dully.

"What makes you say that?"

"I haven't invented one yet. Didn't see the need to, really."

"Oh, Severus," She sighed. "Attempted suicide?"

"Obviously."

"Severus," she said, disapprovingly, "There are better ways."

"You're right. I should have jumped off the astronomy tower. Can't do anything right, can I?"

"That's not what I meant. You should have come and talked to me." That disapproving frown reappeared when he didn't reply.

"There's going to be trouble over this."

Still no reply.

"Alright then. Drink this tea. You've lost too much body fluid. Blood replenishers can only do so much, you know. I'll be by in a bit to see if you need anything. Try to get some sleep." And she was gone.

Severus and James sat in uneasy silence.

"Why are you here, Potter?" Severus finally asked. "Come to gloat?" His heart pounded even more fiercely and insistently than his head. The Marauders had brought him to his knees and then they had seen him at his weakest. There was no way that James bloody _Potter_ would let that go. It would be all over the school by tea time and he would never hear the end of it.

"A simple 'thank you' would have sufficed." Potter said mildly.

"For what?"

"For saving your life."

"I wanted to die, prat. I _wanted_ to die."

"Why?" he asked, surprised.

"Because you were right." He ground his teeth. "I should 'go die'."

"When did I…? Oh."

James met Severus's furious glare. "I was angry, Snape. I didn't actually mean it."

"Like _Hell_ you didn't."

"Look, I don't particularly like you." Severus snorted at the understatement. "But you can't just go round pulling stunts like that."

"Who are you to lecture me?" Snape demanded, "Perfect Potter, darling of the school with crowds of adoring fans. Well I'm not one of them. You have to earn my regard, and after what you've done I doubt you ever will."

"Fine then," Potter replied coolly, "I'll just leave then." He stood up and headed for the door.

"Good. And take your mutt with you." Potter looked back at the shaggy black dog, still curled next to the chair.

"I don't own him."

Severus groaned. He drank his tea. As he expected, it was laced with a dreamless sleep and soon he was drifting off.

* * *

**Author's note:** Views expressed by the characters don't necessarily reflect the author's views. If you ever feel suicidal you really should seek help.


	3. Chapter 3

**General Disclaimer of Everything:** I own nothing.

* * *

Potter did not come again. The dog was a recurring visitor, on the other hand. Often Severus would wake in the middle of the night to find it curled up innocuously by the chair. Severus found that he didn't mind. He rather liked dogs. There had been a stray back home. He fed it scraps and it let him play with it. Not exactly a pet, but one of the only friends he had growing up. He only had to be careful that his father didn't find out. Bad enough wasting scraps on a feckless boy, even worse to feed a mutt. Since this dog didn't belong to Potter, well, he really couldn't object.

Severus slid another piece of sausage from his plate and onto the floor, much to the dog's delight. He tried to ignore the counselor sitting in the chair at the foot of his bed. She had broad shoulders, a bad dye job, and a overly motherly expression.

"I don't know you yet." He finally acknowledged her.

"Hello, Severus." She said, "My name is Miriam. We need to talk."

"You're the shrink," his tone was mocking.

Miriam only smiled. "Yes, I'm the 'shrink'. It's my job to find out what caused all of this, and to prevent it from happening again. So lets talk."

"The weather's horrid, who cares about quidditch, and how do you think I feel. There, now you can leave."

Miriam looked amused. Snape wondered what she had to be amused about. "Should we call your family in? Would you like your parents here for these talks?"

"They're dead." The dog let out a pained whine. Severus peeked at it. It didn't look injured. He dropped another piece of sausage.

"I'm sorry to hear that."  
"No you're not. You didn't know them after all."

"How did they die?" Snape shook his head. This again. The counselors were always prying. Never knew when to leave well enough alone.

His answer was surely, "You would already know that if you had bothered to read my files. He gestured to the purple folder sitting on the table.

"I see," She scribbled a note on her clipboard.

"Tell me about your friends," She said, abruptly changing topics, "What are their plans for Christmas?"

"I don't have friends."

"Surely you must have some friends." She was slightly patronizing.

"The Slytherins torment me because my father's a muggle. The other houses shun me because I'm a Slytherin. Doesn't leave me with much does it?"

"What about your friends from home?"

"There was only Lily, and after what I said to her, I doubt she'll ever talk to me again."

"Have you tried apologizing to her?"

"Obviously,"

Snape went to drop another piece of sausage, but he was out, and the dog was gone anyways. It had probably gone to the Great Hall to beg for scraps. Hagrid would likely feed it, he liked dogs didn't he?


	4. Chapter 4

**General Disclaimer of Everything:** I own nothing.

AN: Here we are, another chapter. I'm not sure about this one though. I think James seem a little ooc. But then its hard to tell if a character is ooc when they were dead before the first page of the original book (Sorcerer's stone) was even written. But I digress.

Characters might also sound American. Because I am one, and I really don't know British slang.

* * *

Laughing and joking, James and Remus made their way back to Gryffindor Tower. The castle was deserted over the holidays, but christmas cheer still prevailed in the old halls. They only paused once, so that James could teach Peeves a very rude version of a popular christmas carol. But when they burst into the common room singing, "Fa la la la la, Fa la la la," they found their fellow marauder staring Seriously into the dying fire. Remus immediately sobered up.

"What's up, Padfoot?" James asked obliviously.

"I stole Snape's medical records." He gestured to the purple file sitting innocuously on the table.

"That'll be a laugh." James said, "Suffers from a greasy complexion and…"

"Shove off, Prongs." Remus replied, "can't you see that something's the matter?"

"He's got depression. This isn't the first time he's tried to off himself," Sirius said, "And it doesn't help that he literally has no friends."

"Come off it," James said, "I'm sure he has all kinds of friends in Slytherin."

"He's a half blood." Sirius said.

"So?"

"His father is a muggle. You know how the blood purists are and Slytherin is full of them. I honestly thought that being a pureblood was a requirement to get into that house."

"So he doesn't have any friends in his house." Remus realized. "They all look down on him. And because he's a Slytherin, no one outside his house will talk to him either."

"Well, no one except Lily." James amended.

"But Lily isn't talking to him." Sirius frowned, "Hasn't been since that thing at the lake." James ran his hands through his unruly black hair. They lapsed into silence.

"So what are we going to do?" Sirius finally asked, "Because we've got to do something." Remus gave him an incredulous look.

"What?" He asked defensively.

"It's just that, last week you said…"

"Yes, yes. Alright. It's not like I care about Snivellus at all. He's still a greasy git. I just feel bad for him." But he looked slightly flustered as he said it.


End file.
